Q: I have some sex issues. I wish I were the type of person who cared more about sex and wanted to have it more often, but I'm just not. My husband said he will do anything to please me because he wants to make me feel good, but he's upset because I haven't bothered to even try to figure out what I want or like in bed.

I bought lingerie and books and body-paint but can't bring myself to use any of it. It's not personal. I love him. I think he's hot. I'm definitely attracted to him. He's offended because he feels that he doesn't turn me on. That's not really it. I just don't feel like having sex. It's become work.

A: Here's the deal, darling: nothing is fun when you're under pressure to enjoy it.

Think of the funniest fun thing you can imagine-going to Disneyland? Seeing a double feature with a large tub of hot buttered popcorn and an endless supply of Junior Mints in your lap? A spa day, with six naked men to cater to your every whim? An all expense-paid trip to Europe?

Sure, those things would all be fun-but when you add the pressure to enjoy them to the mix, each scenario becomes a nightmare. Pressure to perform is an insidious way to suck the life and pleasure out of any project, whether it's going on vacation or gettin' scooty with your man. Add the pressure to enjoy and all of a sudden, the fun is gone and all you're left with is anxiety: are you having fun yet? Are you enjoying it enough?

No wonder sex feels like work right now! You're under pressure to ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY-plus, you feel guilty because you love your man and you want him to have a responsive partner. He's been patient with you, but you know he's getting frustrated. Meanwhile, you're worried there's something wrong with you because the big red neon sign ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY keeps flashing, and you're still not having any fun in bed. It's enough to make any lady downright sex-phobic!

So right now, this exact moment, I am giving you permission to stop thinking about sex entirely.

Give this prize to your husband and let him pick a toy out for himself, because you love him and you want him to experience erotic pleasure. But you are officially Not Allowed. No more sex for you, young lady! Read the copy of my latest book that I'm sending you, make some pies, go to the gym, and hide all your body-paint and lingerie in the depths of your messiest closet. You are now as sexless as a Ken doll. Sex is officially off your To-Do List.

Give yourself a month's hiatus from sex. Don't think about it. Your husband can satisfy himself on his own time,. You need to let yourself find your own status quo, without the pressure to ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY.

After a month, give yourself a bubble bath. Watch a sexy movie, or read an erotic story. Do only what feels sensual and good to you, and stop immediately if you start feeling any pressure or frustration. You may be ready to start thinking about sex again, or you may not. If you're not, give yourself more time. You are in no rush.

Eventually, the screaming pressure to ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY will melt away and as it does, your natural libido will find its own rhythm. This will take time, and you need to be patient with yourself. It took a long time for sex to become associated with boredom, fear, and frustration for you. It may take a while to undo those associations-but believe me, the desire for sexual contact is one of the strongest human imperatives in existence. Yours will come back if you let it alone.

Write me back in a month and let me know how you're doing, lady. Remember: people regularly survive childhood molestation and abuse and go on to have thriving, healthy sex lives.

You will, too-I promise.