10 million "swingers" in the USA

It`s Saturday night in Sag Harbor, and a Cadillac Esplanade followed by a BMW are rolling up the gravel driveway of a summer cottage where a party is underway. Two couples emerge, the men dressed in khakis and polo shirts, the women in floral dresses. Inside, the look is very Martha Stewart: clean, a little pricey, very straightlaced. Couples start to chat about real estate, politics, and what private Manhattan schools their kids are attending. But just outside, an unrated flick called "Bad Wives 2" is projected on a wall, topless women are frolicking in the pool and two couples in the buff are making out in the hot tub. Welcome to the new key parties. There are 10 million "swingers" in the United States and their numbers are growing. And in New York - from the Upper East Side to Montauk - a new generation of professional couples are re-discovering the new non-monogamy. "It`s the new casual sex trend for married couples," says Robert, a 34-year-old Manhattan lawyer, who, with his wife Marisa, 33, a publicist, host monthly swinger parties at their Hamptons time share - an $85,000-a-season Cap Cod style house on the water. "It`s a mostly married scene," he says, with 85 percent of the people either married or in committed relationships. Marisa, who says she and Robert have been married for nine years and experimenting with other partners for two, says, "It`s for couples who want to stay together but who want to try something different." The crowd at this party includes a doctor, a lawyer, a Wall Street banker, a nurse, a teacher, an engineer, and an accountant. Most of them live on the Upper East Side and a few commute from Westchester. They look like wholesome and conservative married couples. Except at this party everyone is allowed to fool around with their spouse`s permission. Here, they like to call themselves "play couples." Like the swingers of the 1960`s and 70`s , the new swingers believe that jealousy is deadly. They believe that you can be in love with your spouse and have other sexual partners. While most swingers lead conventional lives, their recreational lifestyle seems radical. Yet finding other like-minded couples is simple. "We look in the `alternative couples` classified sections" of publications, says Susan, 35, a real estate broker who describes herself as a "people person." Her husband Jeff, a 37-year-old internet Consultant, says this was all her idea. "We also meet people through swinger sites on the internet where we exchange photos," Susan says. For this party, Jeff says, "we had to be screened by sending photos. If you`re not attractive enough, you`re not invited." Meanwhile, back at the hot tub, the heavy swinging is heating up. "Hot tubs remove all the urban tension of living in the city," says Jerry, a prominent art dealer who is wearing only his Tom Wolfe fedora hat. His wife Maryanne, a 32-year-old nurse, watches as he eyes Jennifer a 29-year-old actress married to Christopher, 33, a Wall Street trader. "I`m an adrenalin junkie and hot tubs are perfect for stress relief," Christopher agrees. "I married so young that I never got to experience being single," says Mary, 36, a book editor. After a decade being married to Tom, a 38-year-old investment banker, she says, their sex life "got really boring." Mary, getting a back massage from Stewart, a 40-year-old real estate agent, said she and her husband have been swinging for about five years and that it adds "excitement" to the marriage. "I think it`s strengthened it," she says. "We have two kids and if we didn`t do this we would have broken up by now. But we love each other and the last thing we want to do is break up." Many of the couples say they began swinging after 7 to 10 years into the marriage and site "sexual boredom" as the biggest reason for their adulterous behavior. "I would have killed my husband if he cheated on me behind my back," says Mary. "But with this lifestyle, we don`t consider it cheating. It`s not cheating if we each know what the other one is doing," she adds. Stewart notes that some of the people from this party plan on going to St. Barts for the winter holiday. "We all become friends afterwards," he says. "We`re planning on meeting about 50 couples," he says. "It`s going to be scandalous!"